Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
