I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
