It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
