I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
