he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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