You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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