I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
