I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
