Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
