i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
