im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He felt like a one man threesome
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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