yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
