I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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