If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
