Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i think im in europe. pls send help
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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