So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
