I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
