Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
