We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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