I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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