dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
