The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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