How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
