We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So many bounce houses so little time
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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