"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if i can run in heels then i can drive
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
