Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize