He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize