fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
