WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
