I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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