Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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