God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
