Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
