I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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