she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
