Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
