So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize