is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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