I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
