I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
