Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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