Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Two words: blizzard sex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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