shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
