OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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