Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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