whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
