Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
