I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
