we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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