My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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