so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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