Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
