Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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