woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
