Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
