I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
