We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
