I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
