sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
