Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
