Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
