beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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