So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
