I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
