guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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