She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
