Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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