it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
