like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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