Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
