The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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