i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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