Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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